The Observation Deck

Ouch, that left a mark!!!

2005-05-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

Well, the standings just came out tonight and I fell from 9th place clear the hell to 16th with that crapping showing on Lake O the Pines. A fat 38 points now separate me and the coveted 7th place! Now add any expletive you with here….”*&%$”!!!!! This can not happen again.

The next tourney is in 2 weeks on my home lake of Cypress Springs in East Texas. I have to turn in a better performance.

The good news is that I’m looking to be able to pre-fish with a good buddy in the club next weekend. With our heads together…things should look up some. Not to mention, it’ll be cool hanging out with him, he’s a good dude.

With that said, this should be interesting. Time to make up ground!

Stay tuned……

Deep In the Crotch of Texas…….

2005-05-23T19:53:00.000-07:00

Let’s face it; record high temps are harsh on a fat man.

This was one of my home lakes. This was to be the first of a string of 3 lakes in which I’d be able to make my run at “Top 6”. Wow, what a kick in the nads.

If stomach pains which had me doubled over for the first 30 minutes (during the best fishing of the day) weren’t enough, later the area would experience record highs.

When we left for Lake ‘O The Pines on Friday, the forecasted highs were in the low 90’s. While I knew this would be very hard on my VERY out of shape body, I figured I’d make it through. I was worried, but at the same time very determined to fish through it. As we all arrived back at weigh in after the tourney on Sunday we learned the area highs had reached a record of 99 degrees!

I drank 4 liters of water. I was also forced to use a combination of towels and cold wrap bandanas in order to keep my core temp at a level I could survive.

I’m not making excuses. I missed several fish any of which could have meant points beyond the courtesy 50 that you receive just for fishing the tournament. One solitary fish would have meant a minimum of 30 points for this tournament. This was something I desperately needed. I even had a wonderful draw (boater). Everything was set for success, it just didn’t come.

My boater ended up with 3 fish. Two were caught by a method I didn’t yet know of and 1 during the time in which I was in considerable pain. I’m still not sure what caused the pain….it could have been the local food.

At any rate, the road to “Top 6” is now paved with much difficulty. In fact, I’ll have to rely on MUCH LUCK to make it this year. Can it happen, yes, but now it’s not likely.

I hate to be the barer of bad news, but this did not go as planned. Frankly, it worries me as to what will happen next month at my home lake of Cypress Springs. Cypress Springs is by far my best lake. It’s the one lake I know very well. I don’t know why things happened as they did at The Pines…..all I know is in order for my season to “right itself”; I need every tourney to be a good one the rest of the way out.

I have to do well at Cypress, that’s all there is to it.

Oh Shh....err, I mean CRAP!

2005-05-19T00:24:00.000-07:00

Why am I upset? Well, I shouldn’t be! Tonight’s partner draw once again treated me very well. In fact, I drew the Tourney Director and VP of the club whom I pre-fished with at the Ray Hubbard tourney if you will remember. He’s a great guy and I’ve been looking forward to drawing him all year long. So, that’s a huge plus.

Here’s the rub: I’m a fat man. I’m a huge man. Fat men do not do well in VERY HOT weather. Granted, we’ve not had a summer yet here in Texas. I know this and I shouldn’t be complaining.

With that said, it looks like highs for this tourney will approach 90 degrees with a decent heat index attached. It could be VERY miserable. That part, I am NOT looking forward to. I know we have to have a summer…..but geesh! Couldn’t we at least have a little wind? More cloud cover? Just a sprinkle or two?

Welp, no.

Please pray I survive through this….it could get interesting.

Number nine…..number nine….number nine……

2005-05-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

I think about it at least once a day. Hell, who am I kidding…..I’m constantly thinking about it. I shouldn’t be, but I am.

The new club standings just came out and while I wished for better, I’d be a fool to complain. I’m currently setting in 9th place as I gained two full places with my 4th place showing at Cedar Creek. I was hoping for 7th, which is my current goal, but can not complain with 9th. In reality, I might as well be in a three-way tie for 7th. I currently have 374 points; the fisherman above me in 8th has 375 points and the coveted 7th place fisherman, 376. How many fish is 2 points you may ask? Well, let’s just say that isn’t even 1 full fish! It’s as tight as a race as you can get.

Sunday May 22nd is our next tourney. It will mark the second half of the season and the club’s return to east Texas.

Lake ‘O the Pines is a lake I fished once in a while as a kid. While I loved the lake, it was simply too far away to fish on a regular basis. It’s a beautiful lake. It has tons of shallow cover, lily pads, stumps and the whole kin-n-caboodle! I can’t wait! My confidence in fishing this lake comes from having such fond memories of it from my childhood. It’s a comfort level more than anything else. While I’ve never fished it from a boat, this makes no difference to me. It’s east Texas and a lake that has a special place in my heart…..that’s what I hope will make the difference.

As far as obstacles go….they’re made up of the usual suspects: Weather, and the luck of the draw (as to who my boater will be). I just hope it’s someone safe and friendly. I hope it’s someone who is easy to stay “loose” around. I hope he’s a good fisherman and a fun guy.

One week from today I’ll find out the answer to at least one of these questions. Be praying it’s good news!

“We all need a little help from our friends”……at Cedar Creek.

2005-05-01T20:16:00.000-07:00

Having never fished this lake before, I was both nervous and excited. On one hand, I tend to pay more attention to detail while on a new lake. In addition, I try to stay away from the bad habits I’ve built on my more familiar lakes. On the other hand…it’s a new lake, so being nervous is to be expected.

I made a decision before the tourney to go with 5 rods instead of my normal compliment of 6 or 7. This would save space and hopefully create less hassle while selecting each rod one at a time.

In doing this I had to make the tough decision of laying the responsibility of 3 different rods upon the shoulders of just one. This would mean more time spend tying and re-tying…..but it had to be done.

I’m referencing this because the lure choice for that particular rod is what paid off the greatest.

At Wednesday’s tourney meeting I was given a beautiful ¼oz black/blue/purple bass jig by a fellow member of the club who’s new to us this year. This guy is one heck of a guy. This is the second jig he’s given me and it was a replacement for the first one which I lost to a hang up while fishing it for the first time. Somehow I just knew this jig would play a part in whatever success I would have during this tourney.

Sure enough, a little over 2 hours into our day that jig’s moment arrived. I landed a 5 ½ lb bass as my first fish of the day. A couple of hours later I landed a 3lb bass on a Carolina Rigged plastic lizard.

As my partner netted my large fish, caught on the gift from a friend, I remembered why I tied it on to begin with.

I have a motto: “When you don’t know what to throw, go with your heart.” In competitive fishing, one always needs a “little help from your friends” so to speak. It’s a sport in which you can never succeed totally on your own, no matter how individualized the competition itself may be. You’ll always (at one point or another) need the help of a friend. That’s exactly what this jig meant to me.

It needs to be said that this was a tough day at the lake. There were at least 3 other tourneys occurring on the lake at the same time as ours. The morning launch was a “cluster”, getting to the weigh in was as well…..and to say the least, the lake had more than its fair share of fishing pressure for the day.

While we had beautiful weather…..the day of competition was hectic!

To say the least….it was a very good day to have friends.

At the end of the day my combined weight of 8.47lbs was enough to take 4th place!

That’s big-time points folks! That’s big points when I need them most….at the literal half-way point of the season and the start of the home stretch which leads me straight into East Texas!

I don’t know what the next 4 tourneys will hold…..but all of a sudden, I could really find myself in the mix if things should turn out my way!

Keep up the prayers folks…..they’re needed, this “thang” aint over yet! :D

(PS, Just as RB netted my big “hog” I sang out, “We all need a little help from our friends..” RB rocks! So does JD the big bad jig man! Wow, class acts!)

One more time……with feelin’!

2005-04-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

Well upon attendance of the tourney meeting I slipped my partner from the last tourney a check to help take care of his new seats. He purchased nice replacements which were an upgrade on what he had before. I was more than glad to help him out being it was my huge butt that put the final touches on the old set.

Who would have guessed that I’d be only the second person to test out those very seats! Yup, for the second tourney in a row, I drew my friend who we'll just call “RB”. Wow, what luck is that? It’s awesome because I’ve now fished with him before and know what to expect…..it’s an added plus that I get to put his new seats to the test!

The only drawback to this paring is the fact that a non-boater (me) can only draw the same boater (RB) TWICE during the same year. So, in two back-to-back tourneys, I’ve used up my chances to fish with my bud RB. That’s kinda the good news / bad news end of it. The good news is, he’s a really cool guy…..the bad news is, that’s the last time I can draw him for the rest of the year.

Well, there you have it…….RB and I once again! Maybe we’ll have calmer water and better fishing than we did the last time…we sure need it!

Wish me luck this Sunday!

Another Unknown…..

2005-04-23T16:41:00.000-07:00

When it comes to Cedar Creek, I’m as lost as they come. However, there’s at least one talented fisherman in our club who has spent countless hours and much money developing top secret spots on this lake. He’s created brush piles all over it. He’s studied these spots during every season and every type of variation thereof. He’s a bad, bad man. He can tell you the fish’s name and what tree he’ll be in…..and at what time of day!

Many others in our club have frequented Cedar Creek as well. They, at least, have a starting point. They have some kind of game plan.

Me….I don’t have “spit”. I’ll anxiously be awaiting the partner draw come this next Wednesday night. As of now, I have every intention of entering this tournament. Of course: money issues, health issues, and family issues, should they arise, would be cause for sitting this one out.

Well, once again it should be interesting.

I’ll update the blog once the details become more certain.

While it could be worse…….it still aint purdy!

2005-04-12T11:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I slid from 10th to 12th place overall with the measly showing of 1 weighable fish during the Ray Hubbard tourney. Like I said before….I was so glad the fish measured in (at legal size) I could have tongue kissed him in front of everyone!

Well, there you have it. Statistically, I’m still in the race for the “Top 6”. Ten points separates me from 7th place and in this competition….that isn’t much! At the same time, 46 points separates me from the coveted 6th place position. Yes, I more than have my work cut out for me. If I’m not careful…. the “Top 6” will slip away.

I say I’m statistically still in the race because it takes an average of 86.5 points per tourney (that includes the drops) to land in the “Top 6”. As of now, I’m at 88.5…..BUT that includes my big 2nd place finish at Sam Rayburn. I have to pick up my pace, there’s zero doubt about that.

With all of that said, making the “Top 6” wasn’t my initial goal for this year. Instead, making the top 20 in order to qualify (by points alone, not by tourney appearances) for our club’s “Classic” at the end of the year was my #1 priority. As long as I hold my ground…this shouldn’t be that hard. You notice I said, “Shouldn’t be”. It’s VERY possible to screw that up too…..once again; I’ve got to pick up the pace.

Well, this next tourney will mark the halfway point in the season. Next on the list is Cedar Creek, May 1st. I’ve never fished the lake before but many in the club have. We have at least one guy in our club that calls this lake “home”. There is bound to be very stiff competition this next time out. I must get warmed up and quick!

There may yet be “light at the end of the tunnel”. After Cedar Creek, tourneys number 6, 7, & 8 fall right into my East Texas “wheelhouse”. These lakes are: Lake ‘O the Pines, Cypress Springs, and Bob Sandlin. While I know Cypress Springs better than the other two….I feel at ease on both The Pines and Bob Sandlin as well. Does this guarantee me a great or even good finish on any of these three lakes……heck no! There’s still LOTS of work to be done. Although, it will feel good to finally be back in familiar territory for the first time this year. That has to help some, right?

There you have it folks…..a little “almost midway through” standings breakdown. I’m not quite sure how to feel. I’m not sunk….but I am only barley afloat. At the same time, what I consider my strength in the schedule is just around the corner.

I guess although the season is about half over……my most crucial tests still lay ahead.

Wish me luck….I’ll be needing it!

A mixed bag of defeat……..

2005-04-05T10:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I caught one keeper. Yes, ONE keeper. He weighed in at 1.29 pounds and this kept me from a “zero”, although, I’ll still be at the bottom of the standings for this tourney.

I started out in 10th place over all…..I’m not sure how far I’ll slide down, but hopefully it wont be too far.

With that said….at least it wasn’t a zero! It feels good to have positive points again.

The day was a beating though. The water was very rough. We had 15-25 mph winds that tossed us around effortlessly. To add insult to injury, I was tossed out of my seat, into the air, and when I landed I misjudegd my landing in a painful and expensive manner. I landed at a bad angle onto (you notice I didn't say "into") my partner's "low back" seat therefore flattening it straight back! I don’t think my partner meant for me to turn his seat into a recliner.

I can’t even begin to explain how sore the ride left me. I think I taste my own ribs….oh, and is that kidney?

With less than 2 hours left in the tourney I lost a 3 lb fish at the boat! I’ve never been so ticked off before! I had to sit down my beautiful new “drop-shot” rod in order to protect it from the “Bo Jackson” tendencies I was having at that exact moment.

So yes, I have positive points….and YES, I need to buy my partner a new seat for his boat.

Gotta love it folks! Something just had to go wrong!

If this bad luck with partner’s equipment keeps up….no one will ever want to draw me again.

There’s always the next tourney: Cedar Creek.

Papa’s gotta get a new bag……….

2005-04-01T12:30:00.000-08:00

Well, our next tourney, Lake Ray Hubbard is this weekend. In order to try to get off “the snide” I’ve been invited to pre-fish with the V.P. / Tournament Director of our club on Saturday. I am very appreciative of this opportunity! After “zeroing out” in the last two tourneys….something’s got to give. I had the pleasure of fishing from the back of his boat on our Grapevine tourney last year and had a great time! He’s a good dude with a lot of good advice.

As far as the boater I drew for the tourney, once again, I’m a lucky man! The gentleman I drew was one of the first folks I spoke to when considering joining this club last year. Since then, he’s become one of the folks I most identify with and have warmed up to him quickly. I respect him very much. He’s a really good fisherman and a good dude too. All in all, I’m very glad to be fishing the back of his boat this weekend. It should be a blast!

Well, there you have it! A good guy to pre-fish with on Saturday and a good partner on Sunday as well. If I’m ever gonna break off this slide…..it should be this weekend!

Hold out a good thought……here we go!

(ps, yup….no rain, but windy as all heck!)

A missed opportunity with the Schiavo debacle…….

2005-03-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

When you marry someone you legally become "next of kin". Legally that is.....you know, as in the law. Yeah, you know...the courts, the laws, the only opinion that matters in the end OR at least the one charged with deciding the issue here on earth! Hence the way this whole disaster has played out……..

On a slightly different note…..I’ve noticed a missed opportunity our country has struck out with on this disaster, one that could help us all for years to come!

I’ve identified several instances in which idiots have come out of the woodwork. What I want to know is why a tattoo artist isn’t on standby ready to put an “IDIOT” tattoo on these people’s foreheads?

Let me give you a couple of examples:

1) The parents who encourage their kids to be arrested right along with them by making a symbolic statement (that’s all the heck it is folks!) by trying to take water into Schiavo while “NO TRESPASSING” signs mar almost every square inch of the front lawn at the location?

WHY???? I understand some folks are too stupid to see that it’s not part of ANY MASTER PLAN to be arrested for making such an idiotic statement! It just proves what a miracle it is that the offender makes it through daily life without stumbling into natural selection! It’s idiocy at it highest level……Both for the parent that allows their child to pull such a stunt AND the adult who does it on their own. Why can’t we lock them up in a hospital? Where’s their prison……I want my tax dollars to go towards a prison for those people!

2) Anyone on radio or television who has made the following comment: “There sure are a lot of people who want Terri to die!”

Dear moron: You’re kidding right? Please do not tell me just because some disagree with you and wish to protect their own rights that this means we want ANYONE to die. You are just overstating the issue, right? Please tell me you are just mouthing and do not believe what is coming out of your pie-hole.

News flash: The 70% of us who agree with where this battle has ended up DO NOT WISH ANYONE DEAD. It’s simply a matter of personal beliefs, constitutional rights and matter of law. That’s it. It does NOT mean we wish anyone dead.

Making such a statement proves you’re doing so out of trying to save your argument on an emotional level due to the fact that the law isn’t in your favor. Humm…..last I checked, that’s what the Dem’s are always accused of…..emotional rhetoric. I have not heard of such an emotional issue since 9/11 and now it’s ok to argue on an emotional level because it’s the OTHER SIDE doing so. Neither side should take offense! It just depends on which side is losing, that's all.

In closing…..Washington’s part in all of this has sickened me. First off….if President Bush gave one single flying flip about this issue he wouldn’t have signed If you're poor, you die act. (166.046 "e") while in Texas’s top office. This law closes the door to people who do not have the money to care for their relatives in such a state.

A six month old African American boy was “murdered” (to use the err, "correct?" term for it??) because he was from a poor family who couldn’t pay the bill.

Terri came into money via a malpractice lawsuit (and oh, its merits were shady) therefore, Bush wants the medical community to have every penny of that they can get their hands on!

At any rate, there’s my rant and I hope this is all over soon! I’m sick of it and it’s coming out my ears!

A new take on Barry Bonds......./

2005-03-10T21:07:00.000-08:00

I know the subject of Barry Bonds as related to possible steroid use has given everyone tired head.

Please read this entire post before drawing conclusions to it. Yes, it’s a hot sports opinion…..but nevertheless, I feel it’s valid and I have training to back it up.

Not many of you know this but before I turned to freelance writing & photography, I was in loss prevention management with a few very large companies.

While in this profession, I took a wonderful opportunity to attend a Wicklander-Zuwalski seminar and become “certified” in such techniques. The scientific training included the most useful of them all, neurolinguistics.

I, along with 99% of America believed Barry Bonds knowingly took steroids. I know he’s never been popular with the media and for that fact…..opposing fans either. At times, he’s been cold and distant.

It was believed that grand jury testimony was leaked to the media. We have zero way of validating this information. It’s sealed for a reason, it’s the law. With that said, the number #1 question asked by baseball, its fans and its media was “How could Barry’s head size grow by two full hat sizes?” It seemed a lock that steroids were to blame.

Finally, I decided to do what I should have done in the beginning. I replayed his last 10 public comments on the subject and put my training to use. I replayed every answer he gave, I studied his speech, his neurolingustics as it pertained to his eyes, and his general body language.

At last I reached a shocking decision, he’s actually telling the truth.

His explanation about why he thinks he’s as good as he is can be validated. He says, “I’m my daddy’s son.” Genetics do play a part in it, no doubt. His father was a great, no doubt about it. Most of all, his “answer” to the question exhibited a “truthful” response that CAN NOT be faked. Neurolinguistics can NOT be engineered.

If the “leaked grand jury testimony” is true that he “unknowingly” used steroids, he’s telling the truth, it was indeed “unknowingly”. While he can not comment on any questions pertaining to this testimony (it’s illegal to), his physical response to the questions exhibited calm and zero in the way of an “untruthful” response.

His explanation to his change in hat sizes, i.e.: hat shrinkage over the season, is also believable. Has anyone here ever owned a wool baseball cap? If it gets wet and you don’t keep it on……forget about it! It’s shrinking up on you something serious!!!! It happened to me in High School for Pete’s sake! Although, the telling evidence came in his response: Once again, it was truthful and free of any “deviant” response.

I was right along with everyone else in believing Bonds was scum and that every record he had should be “ *’ed ” all to holy you know where! Now, I take it all back.

I’m sorry folks….but neurolinguistics do not lie.

Bonds may be arrogant, he may be an arse, he may be cold, he may be the single most easy baseball player to demonize and root against.

But, after much study and consideration in this matter……I’m sure he’s telling the truth.

So, is he a jerk…..YUP! But….he isn’t on steroids.

I’d been better off if…….

2005-03-10T21:03:00.000-08:00

I would have stood in the center of the boat ramp and let everyone take their turns kicking me in the nuts….and you think I jest……..

Well, the day started off crappy! I only got about 2 hours rest still having breathing problems due to being sick. Upon arrival at the launch site, I was asked by my boater to back him in so that he could launch the boat.

Let’s just say I have very little experience backing a trailer. I backed a few feet and almost immediately jack-knifed his trailer. I had to get out of the vehicle and let another, more trailer experienced non-boater back my partner in. It was VERY embarrassing. It turns out the place to learn wasn’t in front of everyone. I felt like a moron.

Let’s just say I can’t park a truck & trailer worth a darn either. I almost had it in the parking spot when I slightly clipped the trailer to my right with my partner’s trailer. It was very slight. I bent the other trailers tag back some and left a scratch on my partner’s trailer.

I informed both parties of the damage. I informed my partner immediately upon getting in his boat and the other party as soon as we arrived back for weigh-in. Both guys were very forgiving and told me to forget about it and that “everyone has to learn at some point.” I was amazed; I was totally prepaired to pay for ALL damage and couldn’t have been more embarrassed at the situation. These guys were great!

As soon as I find a way, I’ll be practicing backing a trailer as well as parking one. I want to be able to help my boaters as much as possible.

Next….the day got worse.

The bite was off and despite the fact I was paired with one of the greatest fisherman our region has ever known, he only managed one fish and I ….for the second tourney in a row, “zeroed” out! The fish weren’t shallow one bit. Yes, I caught one small fish that wasn’t of legal size to weigh and missed a few…but that was IT! My partner weighed the one and missed several others as well.

The fish were deep. It goes without saying that my partner and I share the same strength…shallow water fishing. There I was, paired with the one person in the club who bests fits my fishing style and we couldn’t buy a fish. I’ve had nothing but great experiences with my boaters and most have been very conducive to my style…..but as “slow and methodical” goes, we’re carbon copies!

In addition, my rods had a collision with a tree as I tried to free a stuck spinner-bait. While I was preoccupied freeing the bait, one of my other rods got caught in a lower limb causing a tangle which bent the tip at such an angle it broke. Now, I was down a rod. I’ve yet to find the replacement.

On the way to our second to last location, my cap blew out of the boat. My lucky cap. The same cap I had when I placed second at Sam Rayburn. Yes, I’m superstitious, screw me!

To add a final touch of insult to injury, I sustained a nasty fall back at the ramp just before weigh-in. As I was exiting the boat, the boat drifted from the pier causing me to almost do the splits! I had to decide wither to fall forward onto the pier or fall back into the cold water and make a further idiot out of myself. So, I lunged forward causing my right knee to collide with the courtesy railing and then I landed on the wooden floor with all my weight directly on my shin. I’m still black and blue. I can’t feel part of my foot.

Yes, this tourney sucked….no doubt about it. I only earned the 50 points for just “showing up”. I made no “positive yardage” (to steal a football phrase) towards my goal of the top twenty….let alone the top six.

Well, there’s always next month. Let’s see how I can make an ass out of myself at Lake Ray Hubbard on April 3rd! Stay tuned…….I’m sure there’s still plenty of ways I ain’t screwed up yet!

Aiieeyaaaaiiiaaaaiiiiee!

(In other news….the package arrived at MarVal for all of my friends! It arrived a day late. Yes, I’m currently in the fetal position crying……)

A Heartbreaking Decision.......

2005-03-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

In the case of:

My 19 year streak fishing the Green Country Annual Spring Trout Derby

Vs.

My local Club Bass Tournament

A final decision has been rendered:

For the first time in what is 19 years this year, I will be missing the annual Spring Trout Derby that has been such an important part of each and every year.

It pains me to know I'll be missing my dear friends I see there every year and that my line will not slowly trail in the waters of the Illinois River this spring. It’s an honored tradition to us. It’s been the one constant in my life for the past 19 years. I wished the “streak” would have seen year 20. After all, this is the very tourney in which I earned this very nickname, “Streakbreaker”.

With that said, this tourney will not pass without my leaving my own personal mark on it. That’s just not my style.

There was once a great man by the last name of Heffner who fished this tourney. He was a retired Army Medic of 39 years and helped me with a sever knee injury I sustained on the river during the spring of 1993. He was famous for kicking everyone’s butt using his one go-to lure, a Little Cleo Spoon.

Just a few years after my injury, he passed suddenly. He was a great man, a legend to those who knew him and a hero to many. Not a single year goes by we don’t raise our glass in his memory.

So, when the families of those I miss and hold dear arrive at the resort this year…..a special package will be awaiting them.

Enclosed will be a personal letter from me letting them all know how much they’re missed and how much they mean to me. In addition, there will be a little lucky lure…….a Little Cleo Spoon, one for each of them. All enclosed were among Mr. Heffner’s favorite colors. He’s kicked all of our butts on each at some point or another.

Among the recipients of these packages will be his grandson, a very good friend of mine. In his package will be one extra Little Cleo. This one is extra special….it’s a 1/8oz gold one that has only one purpose, to take it’s place on Mr. Heffner’s headstone. This man was worth his weight in gold…..it’s his lure to have. He made it legendary.

This is the least I could do for friends. They’ve given me 19 years of memories that will last a lifetime. “Streaks” are important to me…..especially those involving friends. While the breaking of this one is incredibly painful, sending them a little luck via the memory of our friend is the least I could do.

After all, I may be here…..but make no mistake, my heart is there.

With that said, I decided to try like heck to fish the local club tourney. I’m sure to be fired up, missing my friends and ready to take it out on my competition! By darn, if I’ve gotta be here instead of there……God help anyone who gets between me and first place. At the least I’ll have something to fight for……it’s called “Next Year!”

(Ps, if you're wondering who I drew as my "boater" for this tourney....heehee. Let's just say he's the several years runing Region "Angler of The Year". He's been the club's best fisherman for years....he's a bad, bad man! :D )

The moment of truth……..

2005-03-02T04:17:00.000-08:00

As many of you may remember, the annual trout tourney my family fishes took a tragic turn last year with the theft of my father’s car keys and $350 cash from our cabin by a resort employee. The management mishandled the situation big-time. A full account can be read in my archives here. This annual trout tourney comes up THIS weekend but is not affiliated with my bass club in any way. I’ve given slight thought to fishing it in a diminished capacity as you’ll see below………

With that said, late last week I came down with a sinus infection. It’s now worsened.
The bacterial infection has turned into pneumonia. I’ve had to have two further prescriptions and a breathing treatment. However, I am no longer contagious and am feeling on the mend. Slightly.

Here’s where it gets interesting:

1) Today, (Wednesday) is the day I must make my decision for our next club tourney. It’s to be held on Lake Tawakoni, as luck would have it, THIS WEEKEND. While I don’t want to make myself worse…..I can’t afford to “burn” another “drop” in the points standings either. If I’m afraid I’m going to get worse…I simply can not go.

2) After inquiring as to the current employment of both the managers of the resort (where the theft took place) and the two thieves in question, I found the following: A) The managers have been fired (not due to this incident) as well as the two thieves (also, not due to this incident). B) The owner is still the same arrogant moron who (when the incident happened) wanted US to pay for the lie-detector tests to prove HIS WORKERS GUILTY. As you can imagine, after having my father’s truck keys stolen along with $350 cash……my response to Mr. Donkey Crevice was to “play hide and go _____ yourself!”

So, here’s the dilemma…..what do I do now? The last thing I want to do is go fishing anywhere and make myself worse. I do think I could be able to handle either situation by the time of their respective arrivals. In my perfect scenario, I’d fish the trout tourney for part of one day (early Sat) and then return to Texas on Saturday evening so that I could fish our club tourney on Sunday. The drive to the trout location is roughly 4 hours each way.

So, there you have it! I’m sick but slightly on the mend. The managers and workers are gone. The idiot owner is still there. And to add icing on the cake…..I have a local tourney here.

Please use the comments section as a poll……has the jury reached its verdict?

A “Snap back to reality…….

2005-02-22T08:58:00.000-08:00

Oh there goes gravity Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked He’s so mad, but he won’t give up that easy
Is he? No!!”

I know I’m better than my performance this weekend. The conditions were very tough, the bite was off, and the window of opportunity for when the fish were on (very short amount of time) was only slightly cracked. All in all…..It just wasn’t going to be my day.

With that said, my boater won first place, won “big bass”, and took home “heavy stringer”.

How did I zero out when my boater took first you ask? It’s simple; a weakness was exploited in my game. The weakness: pitching/flipping.

The fish were on a bite that kept them staged shallow in heavy cover. They weren’t moving much for food, you had to hit them in the head. My partner could place a jig in a spot the size of a sliver dollar. Myself, I’d be glad to pitch to within the same area code. This left my boater with all the good water and me watching in amazement. I could not perform the way he was with the techniques he was using.

This was the bite. Period. I was not “front ended”. He did not handicap me in any way with boat positioning. We were both in GREAT positions to catch fish. I could have done every bit as good as he…..if I had the skill. Like I said, this is one part of my game which is lacking.

The bite this tourney proved where I need to improve, greatly and FAST. The next tourney is coming up in only two weeks. There is also a large probability that pitching/flipping will play a huge part in this coming contest as well.

I have two weeks to improve. Can I improve to the level of my boater this last tourney within two weeks, HECK NO! He’s been doing this for many years. As long as I can hold my own, I’ll be happy.

However, I did take home what I call “shameful money”. Because “our boat” produced the heaviest stringer, we split the heavy stringer prize due to club rules. I didn’t weigh one fish. I didn’t deserve any of it. I tried to get him to take it but he wouldn’t have any of it. He’s a class act, that’s for sure. I was honored to share a boat with him.

I have two “drops” at my disposal this season. I just burned one of them with 8 tourneys left to go. I can’t afford to lose the other one anytime soon. Sometimes it hurts only being a ten game season!

Well, I’ve got two weeks folks.

Like the song says, “Is he (done)? NO!” I’ve only got to improve.

On s side note….half of the field “zeroed” out. The conditions sucked, the bite was off and the wind was fierce! I’ve never before had a boat ride such as this one. Most of you know what a big guy I am….let’s just say my butt left the seat by at least 8’’ on several occasions. The driver was awesome! It could have been so much worse. With that said, I have muscles hurting that I never knew I had. I feel like I’ve been kidney punched and I think I know what a human rib tastes like. I wish I had access to Bret Farve’s medicine cabinet!

On a positive note….my new rain gear works!

Weather Dejavu X 2

2005-02-19T08:53:00.000-08:00

As one would expect, I indeed threw my hat into the ring of competition for the second tourney of the year, Richland Chambers. The week was very stressful and I knew preparing for the tourney would be harder, but knowing I’d need the release at the end of the week I pressed on.

Once again, I drew boat #10, the same as the first day of the Sam Rayburn tourney. This is a one day event; therefore I will have only one boater instead of two as on Rayburn.

Low and behold I had another good “draw” as my boater for this tourney. The gentleman I drew this time out has been a member of the club for a few years now. By all accounts he’s a very good fisherman. He seems to have a determined nature and sort of like the gentle giant type. There’s something in the way this man carries himself that reflects determination, confidence and demands respect. Honestly, he seems like a really good guy.

It’s kind of funny, the club president and I spoke of him while approaching weigh in on day one of Sam Rayburn. I was commenting to the president on who of our field was still left to check in and how well they may or may not have done. He commented, “Oh man, _____ isn’t here yet!” I replied, “Really, what’s his style of fishing?” The Prez responded, “HA! ____, his style is to catch fish, PERIOD!” By this glowing compliment, I new this gentleman was a bad, bad, man. I’m looking very forward to fishing with him. I need points so that my lead doesn’t dwindle within just one tourney.

Of course the weather was looking to be perfect when I threw my hat into the ring on Wednesday. As usual, since then, it’s fallen to pieces! NOAA is calling for a 50% chance of thunderstorms and high winds all day. More miserable and inclement weather. GREAT! At Big Sam, I caught lighting in a bottle. I don’t think it can happen twice.

Well, we’ll see. Take off is around 6:45am on Sunday the 20th. We’ll come off the lake to weigh in at around 4pm. We’re praying for kind skies and calmer winds. Who knows…this could get interesting.

I know I have no chance to repeat Rayburn…..but if I have a lead, what the heck! I’ll try to keep myself in the hunt!

Wish me luck!

Round 2 – Richland Chambers Reservoir

2005-02-14T15:00:00.000-08:00

Decision time will soon be upon me as wither to fish the second tourney of the year hosted at Richland Chambers.

As of this point, I’m remaining very realistic. If I fish it, things should return to normal with most of the pack kicking my butt all over the lake. The Earth will return to its normal rotation and I’ll probably draw a boater that hates my guts. I’ll lose what little lead in points I have over the rest of the field and be back at the bottom…….where I’m expected to be.

With that said, I figure……what the hell. I have a lead, however slight; why not try to protect it? Yes, chances are I’ll get the floor mopped with my big behind….but why not fight for another outcome?

So….if weather, family health, finances, and all other factors that determine wither I fish a particular month’s tourney fall into place, I’ll be fishing Richland Chambers. As with every tourney, the deadline for this decision is the Wednesday prior to the tourney, THIS Wednesday.

Until Wednesday my eyes will be on NOAA’s report for the area and the typical soul searching will begin.

If my goal is to qualify for the club’s “Classic” tourney at the end of the year, it’s in my best interest to fish this tourney. I have only two drops to use and can not afford to waste them on tourneys I have not fished. So, fishing every tourney possible is very important at this point.

We’ll see……….

Sam Rayburn....The Kindest Lake I'd Never Met!

2005-01-31T11:56:00.000-08:00

Tournament #1 Sam Rayburn

I had the honor of drawing two of the nicest guys (“boaters”) in our club for this two day tourney on “Big” Sam Rayburn.

On day one, I would be the “back-seat'er” to our very own club president. On day two, I had drawn the club’s secretary, but do to vehicle problems, instead was paired with a long time club member, also a great guy.

The club president had “pre-fished” the lake some and had a few spots marked on his map. Needles to say, he had it pegged right…..we were almost immediately on fish!

I caught 3 good keepers right off the bat. A smaller one would be released and then, my largest fish of the day, a 5.95 pound “toad” would be the last to enter the live well.

My partner was awesome! I hadn’t fished as close to cover as he did in a long time, this left me throwing into brush for most of the day. He couldn’t have been better at helping me get loose from obstructions and keeping me from having to retie lines due to break offs. He saw I had a good string of fish and was completely selfless so that I may finish as close to the top as possible. He spent a lot of time busting his rear for me and it will always be greatly appreciated. There’s no wonder why he’s the club president. He leads by example and is one hell of a guy.

At the end of day one, I was in 2nd place with four fish totaling 12 pounds and change, which was still 7 pounds out of the lead. The third place fisherman, a true club legend, was VERY close on my tail by less than a pound. I knew I had to have a good second day in order to hold my position.

During day two, my “boater” pulled out all the stops to keep us on the same pattern that had worked well for me the day before. I needed fish to keep in the running and he was more than willing to hit the same spots that had produced for me the day before. In another act of selflessness, he made sure I was on the fish so that I still had a decent shot to end “in the money”.

At the end of the second day I weighed 3 fish totaling 7 pounds. This was just enough to give me right at 20 pounds total weight for both days.

When all was said and done, I had gained 2 pounds on the leader but it still wasn’t enough to take away first from the leader.

So, there you go! In the first tournament of the year I was blessed with two great “boaters” and a second place finish!

While the weather was completely miserable…..catching fish made it a whole lot easier to take! :)

“When it rains”, well….you know the rest.

2005-01-26T23:22:00.000-08:00

Well, of course a few things would have to go wrong before this, the first tourney of this year’s season.

On the way out the other morning, I noticed a small problem with my left front tire. After taking it by the local tire “superstore”, I watched in horror as they removed all 4 tires and found a major defect in each. While I’m a car idiot, I know what I saw and let’s just say….I didn’t know a tire could do that!!!

It seems my rear struts are out and with the out of balance bouncing, HUGE CHUNKS of tread were missing from my rear tires. Needless to say, the front are in just as bad shape. An alignment can take a beating with these assorted problems.

So, there went that wad of cash!

Next, I take the car to the mechanic in which we’ve trusted our vehicles to for the past 20 years. He confirmed my suspicions about the rear struts. Add to this the fact that no after marked struts are available for this newer car yet and…..well; it’s a visit to the “Honda House” for parts!

Well, there went yet another wad of cash.

Now that the formalities are out of the way, I learn my car can not be fixed until Thursday. This is cutting things a little close for the tourney! Sam Rayburn is more than a leisurely drive away and we need to leave early Friday afternoon! If anything goes wrong here, I’m screwed!

With a quick check of the weather my heart sank once again. Every day since Tuesday, the rain (AND THUNDERSTORM) chances for this weekend’s tourney have been increasing. Now, the threat of SEVERE THUNDERSTORMS is in the mix. Tell me again why in the hell I’m doing this?

Today, Wednesday, was spent searching the internet for rainwear for a person of my build or as I like to call it……”Super Fat Arse Sized” rainwear. After much searching and numerous phone calls, said rainwear was found. Come on, you know this can’t be that easy! You must be asking yourself, “What’s the rub?” Yup, you guessed it. The rainwear will not arrive until FRIDAY!!! I just hope it gets here BEFORE we depart.

In addition to all of the above, several errands need to be run, reels need to be spooled, tackle needs to be sorted, routes planned, AND even the rent needs to be paid.

So, you may be wondering why I decided to sign up tonight for the tournament despite all of the logistical problems (as in the previous post) and newfound challenges above?

Well, it’s quite simple…..I’m an idiot.

Well, as I reminded you in the title, “When it rains, it pours!” Yes, indeed it does. Although, you won’t catch me saying, “It can’t get any worse!” I’ve also learned not to borrow trouble with that phrase as well. When it’s all said and done, I pray all this hard work and worry has earned me a victory, a little respect from my peers, or even just a good day’s catch.

Let The Tournament Season Begin!

2005-01-24T23:04:00.000-08:00

Well folks, in order to make myself pay more attention to my blog, I decided to make entries during the bass tournament season this year.

The first tourney on our club’s schedule is Lake Sam Rayburn in East Texas on Jan 29th and 30th. I haven’t yet decided if I’ll be attending this tourney as it presents special logistic problems for my father, my honey and I. My decision has to be made this Wednesday as it is the night for our club’s first meeting and also the “boater draw” for the Sam Rayburn tournament.

I’ll keep you guys informed as this tourney as well as the rest of this season plays itself out.

I hope to do better this year and my goal is a rather lofty one for my first full year back in the swing of things. At the end of this year I hope to have landed in the top 20….and with a world of luck, the top 6. Although.... the later appears to be a “pipe dream”.

Well, we’ll see! Let the games begin!

While I haven’t been deer hunting……I was hunted BY a deer once, does that count?

2004-11-06T08:54:00.000-08:00

I was 11 and fishing a mostly frozen pond in Oklahoma. The river was dangerously up so the trout were slow leaving me with this little pond with only a few sunfish in it.

Like I said....it was frozen. I had to bash a hole in the ice just to get a line in. At age 11....you don't care as long as your line is wet.

Well, I heard this rustle in the woods to my left. I turned to look and didn't see a thing.

I heard it a second time, looked and saw nothing.

The third time, I turned to see a (at LEAST) 12 point buck staring me down! He didn't seem too happy I was in his watering hole.

As I went to flee the scene, I dumped my tackle box and started to run without reeling in my line.

My line drug out of the pond and caught a tree as I ran for the small bluff in which I climbed up from our cabin. The snag jerked me back and I fell on my butt as my line snapped free.

As I stood back up, I realized he was gaining on me. As I made the last 10 feet from the bluff’s edge, I couldn't find my way back down. All I saw was this little frozen patch of water that ran down a long smooth rock like a frozen waterfall to the bottom.

Having no other choice, I sat on the rock and crossed my arms. With my pole in one hand and my tackle (what was left of it) in my lap, I slid down the rock and tumbled face first when I hit the bottom landing right at the foot of our cabin's back door!

My mother heard the commotion and came outside to check on me. We both looked to the edge of the bluff where the unfriendly buck stood staring down with this look of, "AND DON'T COME BACK!!"

My tackle was a little worse for wear but I was in one piece. For the remainder of the trip.....the buck could have his freaking pond!!

True story!

Here’s a flip da friggin flop for ya!

2004-10-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Bush says he’s against bringing in medications from other countries due to safety concerns. In the same week Vioxx, a popular arthritis medication is recalled due to a study showing it causes stroke or heart attack in every 15 per 1000 patients using the drug!

SAFETY??!! Wow, don’t scream “SAFETY!!” in my ear unless you hold the big business drug companies right here in the U. S. of A to the very same standard!

Now consider our current flu vaccination shortage crisis:

I’d like to know who approved the plan to keep half our eggs (literally) in the same basket anyway. Why does one company control one half of our nation’s supply of flu vaccine? Why is there no contingency plan? This is plain stupidity!

This morning I stood in line for 2 hours and proved I fall into the “high risk” category in order to receive my flu shot. I have chronic bronchitis and chronic sinusitis. Some looked at me with glaring eyes as if to say “You’re young….you don’t need it....why you here?”

My answer: Ever get the flu or even a severe sinus infection WITHOUT having insurance? Let me break it down for ya…it costs at LEAST $300!! THAT is OUT OF POCKET expense for me. I can NOT AFFORD to get the flu. I may not be 65…but I fall into a category same as you there chief so don’t be shootin’ glances at me!

Bottom line is…..hypocrisy knows no bounds. It’s completely fine for a company based within our closest ally to be left the task of producing one half of our nation’s supply of flu vaccine. However, it is NOT OK for a country to our immediate north to provide us with prescription drugs to help lower the cost of health care when prices are at their all-time worst. All the while those in office scream “Safety!!”…but as long as you’re a friend of big business….you can make a fortune while killing the very customer who made you rich.

Wow…just wow!

What DO Women's Shoe Shopping and Tournament Bass Fishing Have In Common?

2004-09-26T15:32:00.000-07:00

Could it be this same unwritten rule?

My best friend’s wife, “Cathy”, had a friend named “Julie” visiting her from out of state. “Julie” remembered this certain awesome shoe store she had once visited with another friend, “Shelly”, in the town “Cathy lives. “Julie couldn’t remember the name of the store or its location…..only the fact that they had great sales and service, not to mention shoes!

“Julie” then called “Shelly” to ask her the name of the store and for directions there. “Shelly” became furious and hung up the phone abruptly!

It appears that when shoe shopping, taking one friend to the same store another friend showed you first is a “no-no”.

This humors me. It seems to be the same in tournament fishing too! I was recently informed it is an “unwritten rule” that one boater (or non-boater) couldn’t EVER visit the “personal water” another boater had previously showed him during any future tournaments.

I don’t know about you….but I’ve never known a lake to up and “grow a hump” or for a main lake point to suddenly appear. It seems to me this is just another pre-made excuse for being beat. There are no fish that are “my fish" and I do not (nor can I) lay claim to any particular “honey holes” as just my own.

What’s next……will we now tie ribbons around boat houses and trees on the bank marking the “personal water” of a particular individual prior to each tournament? This has juvenile implications.

If someone beats me to my spot…fine, I’ve been beat! Determining boater position (I.E. the first, second and third to leave..etc) accounts for who makes it to what spots on the lake first. That’s just the way of things and yes, sometimes, stuff happens. It’s in how you deal with whatever circumstance that determines the level of competitor you are.

The ONLY exception I can see to this rule IS A WRITTEN VERSION used by MANY bass clubs and trails. However, it pertains only to the water fished WITHIN THE SAME TOURNAMENT. For example, in 2 & 3 day tournaments which boaters and non-boaters are switched each day…information can not be shared about the 1st or 2nd day’s water fished to the new boater. Once again, this is ONLY within the confines of the same tournament and is basic sportsmanship.

Furthermore, unwritten rules remain unwritten for a reason: They’re too hard to police and are usually B.S. to begin with! It’s just another way to make up rules as you go along in order to gain an advantage or have a pre-made excuse at the ready to defend why you didn’t do as well as you should have.

If I get beat fair and square, I have no problem. If someone fishes the water I’ve showed him in a pervious tourney or in pre-fishing….that’s a risk I HAVE CHOSEN to take. Oh well…it happens! A rule is a rule and that’s why it’s called competition……I guess some folks' mommas never taught them to share.

Now that's done.........Is there any way we can put down the lady pills and just fish?

A Bottom Line In the Cost of Health Care………

2004-09-08T07:35:00.000-07:00

While physicians blame “sue happy patients” the patients blame the inappropriate behavior of their once trusted physicians………

We’ve all heard the proverbial phrase “over a barrel”, but what if in the case of rising health care costs the phrase held merit?

Even with recent legislated limits on the monetary amounts physicians can be sued for, there is still an outcry from the medical community for help from Washington.

The Nation’s doctors need not worry; George W is on the case! In the defense of our nation’s doctors our Commander In Chief had this to say..................

And they wonder why they’re getting sued?

Sometimes, I envision a speech writer hiding himself somewhere within some deep, dark, isolated closet in the basement of the White House. He’s curled into the fetal position and clutching a nearly empty bottle of vodka. He sits and murmurs to himself, “no improv, please no improv…..” as he considers suicide.

Question: How do you know it’s September in Texas?

2004-09-07T12:42:00.000-07:00

Answer: The Rangers are out of the post season hunt!

I’ve often said the Texas Rangers are a perfect example of everything that is wrong with baseball. I stand by this bold statement.

This year the team was blessed to have several new players, many young, and many of them rookies leading the way to what seemed like a surprisingly successful season. The All-Star break came and went with The Rangers keeping a firm grip on 1st place in their division. Things seemed too good to be true.

Well, they were. Within the past two weeks The Rangers started a slide that will put the last nail in their post season(less) coffin for this year. They were swept by the Twins and ran head-on into the red hot Red Sox. Wake up Rangers fans….the season is over, again.

Baseball as a whole gives me plenty of things to be upset about and to keep me away from supporting the “Great American Pastime”. If a homerun king isn’t using a corked bat, he’s shooting up steroids. The “Midsummer Classic” turns into the “Bud Selug (he doesn’t deserve the courtesy of proper spelling) Three Ring Circus”. Thirty year old men complain about salary caps and drug tests all for the “right” to play a kids game for a wealthy living. They threaten to go on strike when they don’t get their way all the while claiming they do so “In the name of those that came before”. When asked then name of the first Player Representative of their team or in fact the first President of the Players Union, they can’t even answer. Instead, they pout and end the interview. These are just a few of the things wrong with baseball.

The Rangers do plenty to heap criticism upon themselves. First, they have an idiot for an owner. Tom Hicks overpaid (even by baseball’s standards) for “the best player in the game”, Alex Rodriguez. Hicks promised to spend an unlimited amount of money to give “A-Rod” the supporting cast he needed to take The Rangers to the post season. Hicks then overpaid for the likes of Chan Ho Park (I really don’t care about his name either) and several others. Having to overpay for every player signed just to lure them to the heat of Texas caused Hicks’ purse strings to run much shorter than expected. Most of these players are no longer even Rangers and those that are have been busted all the way down to their “AA” club.

Not only did The Rangers never see the post season while “A-Rod” was here….They were happy to make a brief appearance from last to next-to-last place in their division. “A-Rod” became testy and grew as a cancer in the clubhouse. His stint here ended with a demand to be traded to a “contender”. The Yankees….as usual, took the bait.

During this run The Rangers hired the famed Grady Fuson to be their “general manager in waiting” for when Jon Heart’s contract ran out at the end of the 04 season. Fuson then took The Rangers’ Minor League clubs to new heights and built a respectable farm system for the first time in Rangers’ history.

He was thanked for his efforts by being stiffed in the deal he agreed to. John Heart was given an extension and Fuson left the club for greener pastures. I, for one, don’t blame him. Hicks screwed up a good thing yet again.

It’s things like this that turn me from baseball. I ended my allegiance to the sport during the great “All Star” debacle game of 2 years back. I swore I’d never return, I haven’t and I refuse to. The “Great American Pastime” is no longer great but a joke. What was once as “American as apple pie” now has the same effect on me as the water in Mexico does on any red-blooded gringo. Just thinking about it gives me the urge to “make”.

To all who flock to support their favorite Major League Baseball team…..Well, to each their own. Until their salary structure fails and the economics of the game as we know it come crashing down…..I, for one, am OUT!

When does football season start again?

Online Communities 101, An Observation……..

2004-09-04T14:21:00.000-07:00

Online Forums (or communities) + I (the author, Dwayne) =’s (in the words of someone famous) “This is going to be a _________ing disaster!”

At least that’s how I see it, let me tell you why……

Part 1 of the equation: Psychology of the Public Internet Forum

I understand “forums” are “online communities”. I understand these “communities” mimic real life to varying degrees. I understand all forums have their own set of laws, often referred to as “terms of use”. I also understand that the “law enforcement” of these communities often falls in the hands of unpaid volunteers, and sometimes, solely upon the shoulders of the forum owner. Get it folks…..I UNDERSTAND THAT.

Also, as is with life, the “rules” only apply to a certain few. Usually, these people are favorites, long time members, moderators, and friends or even related to the forum owner. In these cases, the “powers that be” feel they have a handle on these particular personalities and that the “favorites” need not be policed like the others that contribute to the forum’s existence.

The “moderators” are hardly ever chosen based on common sense, good judgment, or on being an “expert” at whatever subject the particular forum revolves around. Generally, they’re just folks who see their “position” as a place of authority in order to boss people around and make decisions that in real life would make their heads literally explode and or land them in jail. They usually fall into one of two types: 1) those that fashion themselves as “online” or “computer” experts or 2) those that can barley “sign on” into the site to begin with and that have trouble checking their own e-mail. Either way…..their only purpose in life is their respective “online forum”.

The “members” of these communities also fall into their own strange, separate categories. 1) Those who occasionally visit: These people visit the site solely for information on a need to know basis. 2) Those that spend a moderate amount of time at the site, exchange information and enjoy meeting new people with similar interests. 3) Those that practically “live” online…….they share information when they have it but for the most part like to interact with people and are often accused of not having any personal life. 4) Those that only appear every once in a while in order to jump in on an attack on a fellow forum member they already have identified as someone whom thinks outside of their beliefs. 5) Those that show up, look around, and then haul arse. Perhaps, this is the smarter of the species!

In the case of both moderators and forum members, the forums are generally taken WAY TOO SERIOUSLY.

Part 2 of the equation: My personality

Fact #1) My personality has never been described as “normal”. I enjoy attention greatly. There, I admitted it! I enjoy my brief appearances on the P1WAC radio show with Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket in Dallas although they are few and far between. That’s just the way it goes. I love to make people laugh!

Fact #2) I have several sides: Hopeless romantic, comedian, defender of the “little guy” or one who’s being bullied, customer service guru (you see me….I’d better get what I paid for!), typical male (sports, video games, TV, movies), fiercely loyal friend, and yes….some have called me an….err, well, you get the drift. I will not dispute that.

Fact #3) I believe a rule is a rule. I believe everyone plays by the SAME set of rules. In my book, there is no such thing as an unwritten rule….it either exists or it doesn’t! If it exists, write it down already! If it doesn’t I’m not buying your half arsed attempt at making up the rules as you go along. Period.

Part 3 of the equation: When it all goes terribly wrong.

There are moderators who send you e-mails whenever they don’t agree with you, threatening to have you “banned” from the site because you disobeyed some un-written rule. This type of e-mail often lacks any form of class and usually involves vulgarity. Never mind the fact they push “No e-mail attacks” as one of their sacred rules….remember, the rules do not apply to them.

On two different occasions, I had conversations with two different “forum owners” who threatened to “ban” me because they didn’t like a logical point I had brought up. When I asked if they had actually READ the post in question I was told, “I don’t have to read it….I know what I know!” Huh? You’re kidding right? In addition, when I responded with “I do not need your stupid forum to exist, PLEASE BAN ME!!!”, they completely cowered down!!!!! It was as if they wanted to “ban” me if and only if I didn’t want them too! Once I told them how little importance their forum held in my life, the idea of “banning me” took away ANY PRECEIVED power they held over me! Suddenly, I was welcome to stay? Talk about the need for power over someone….geesh!

I was once followed by members of a forum I had left to ANOTHER SEPARATE forum in order for them to attack me there. What sick pleasure they got out of this….I have NO idea!

Once upon a time, a forum member fell out of standing with a forum because of a lack of two things: 1) a sense of humor on the part of other forum members and 2) lack of voice inflection on the internet. This person was told by the forum owner who “banned” him, “If you don’t like it…..START YOUR OWN FREAKING FORUM!!!” The person in question DID! Now, the original forum owner is trying to seek LEGEAL ACTION because he believes the banned member is “stealing his members” and because he’s “contacting them through e-mail”. Yeah, our courts really need to be bogged down with that one!

I have known a forum owner to sell whatever personal information he had gained about a member to an enemy of that member online. This resulted in the person’s home being vandalized.

An owner of an online forum maliciously gave personal information to an individual about a forum member for the sole purpose of sharing that information on the internet to promote the identity theft of that person! No, I am not kidding!

Are you a member of an online forum? You are??!! Well have you been around long enough to know how these things end up or are you just gluten for punishment? These are the reasons I, as a rule, do not support online forums.

If you chose to visit them, visit them for information only, get it, and get out before it’s too late! While many online forums are giant fields of crap, some are very useful and contain information on a world of topics and issues.

BUT BEWARE! DO NOT “join”, “register” or become a “member”…..because it all just goes down hill from there.

Take it from me……I could carry on a conversation with a fence post…..don’t believe me, just any who knows me!

The truest form of friendship......

2004-07-11T11:17:00.000-07:00

My family is strange. No one has ever argued that. It’s a small family. I have cousins, aunts and uncles scattered about all parts of the south.

The closest family I have are ones that have no blood relation at all.

They say you can not pick your family but you can pick your friends. I don’t believe this is entirely true, for every dear friend I have has been a direct gift from God. No, there is no blood relation. Yes, by some it would seem we chose each other. But, again, I believe God is the one who did the choosing!

Thirteen years ago this month I met two boys my age (cousins to each other) at a Baptist Church Camp on Lake Lavon near Princeton, Texas. They are dear to me still today. They are brothers to me. Today, one has a daughter who is almost 2 years old. The other is a Captain with the Army’s 4th Infantry Division. He may soon be going to war his second tour in Iraq. He is newly married. We celebrated his wedding reception last night due to the initial celebration being delayed by war. Today, he is off again.

Later they in turn brought another cousin into the mix. I saw him for the first time in years last night. We wondered where the time had gone.

In December of 1996, during a double date, I sat across from a guy I had unknowingly talked to in an online Christian chat room. In the evenings conversation the chat room became of subject. Before you knew it….it was discovered that we had talked and laughs were had by all. The chance was one in millions. God sat us across from each other in Duluth Georgia’s Olive Garden Restaurant 2 days after Christmas. The rest is nearly 8 years of history. He is too a brother and one of the best friends a guy could ever have. Who needs the lottery when God is running the tables!

When I attended the above gentleman’s wedding just two and a half years ago, I had the pleasure of meeting people I had only heard about in funny stories over the years. I now have more folks whom are dear to me. The gifts just keep coming.

I guess the moral of the story is God gives us family both related at birth, married into or put in our paths later on. It is what we do with those relationships that makes the person(s) true family.

I have a “half brother” I hardly ever get to see and have zero contact with. I also have a “half sister” with whom the relationship is strained.

But, the people above…….the folks God has laid in my path in order to stand in the gaps for others, they are my closest family. Family is what you make of it. When God places a friend in your path….don’t pass up the opportunity! For if you do, you’ll miss out on the gift of a lifetime.

Making Sense of it All......

2004-07-11T02:18:00.000-07:00

As many of you have heard, I have a best friend (he’s a brother to me) who is a Captain with the 4th Infantry Division.

We celebrated his return home from the war in Iraq this last April with a recent fishing trip in June. In attendance were Aaron (the Captain), John (also my best friend and Aaron’s cousin), Sam (my fiancé), and myself. The trip was an instant classic.

This last evening, 200 guests were invited to his parent’s home here in North Texas to he and his wife’s wedding reception. They were wed in September of 2002. They were married in Hawaii and very few were in attendance. So, while Aaron was in Iraq, he and his wife planned this incredible reception so that everyone they loved so dear could attend.

The evening was nothing short of amazing. It was a Hawaiian Bar-B-Q with music, bounce houses for the kids, and a fireworks show at the end of the evening.

What’s the problem you may ask?

We found out that he leaves for his “Captain’s School” tomorrow! He was made a Captain while in the field and wasn’t scheduled to leave for Kentucky until later this month. As the Army will do, they moved it up.

After his “term” is complete, they will assign him to his new home. It may instantly be back in Iraq, or some other country. The hopes of him returning to Texas are VERY slim.

So, this was welcome back and goodbye in the same breath.

I will not lie to a single one of you; my heart is broken in two.

The year he was gone was one of the hardest years of my life. All of us (family and friends alike) tried to “stand in the gaps” his being gone had left for each other. It was VERY stressful….but we made it through.

Now that he was back, things were supposed to return to “normal”. Now, “normal” is beginning to look more like him being gone than him being home. For 13 years now (celebrated this month) he’s been one hell of a constant in my life. He is my brother.

We all made it through once....now we have to do it again, and so very soon.

Please keep him, his family and all who know him in your thoughts and prayers. Here we go again.......

In Memory of "The Genius" Ray Charles.....

2004-06-10T14:37:00.000-07:00

Gosh Darnit! I know I'll miss you Ray!

If yall would humor me for a moment.....

About 5 years back, I was working Loss Prevention at Bass Pro and found myself VERY stressed out and almost burnt out too.

For my birthday I had hit a trifecta at L.S.P for $1700!!! I wanted to take a short vacation in order to reset my mind.

On the way to work on day, I said a little prayer. It went like this: “Lord, you know I’m almost burnt out. I’ve got this extra money and would love to take a trip to get away and reset my soul. Only you can arrange for the time off and can show me a place to go. So, if it be your will…..lead the way.”

When I arrived at work, I was asked by my “Lead” Damon, what days I’d like off in the next 3 weeks. I told him if it wasn’t too much trouble, I’d like 5 or 6 days off in a row and would work however many days straight it took to pull that off. It was almost in jest. But, to my surprise, he agreed!!

During my shift, I sat in the camera room completely sidetracked with the though of where I could go. God had done everything else…..I just needed a destination. Suddenly…BAHM, it hit me! GEORGIA!!!

I have a best friend in Georgia, he’s like a brother to me. Also, he’s one heck of a dude. He isn’t much the fisherman but loves to hike and camp. I lived in Georgia for about 6 months or so. I loved the country, the rivers, the fishing, and the people. It’s always been a home-away-from-home for me.

So, I put in a call to my friend and told him to clear his schedule in 3 weeks….I was coming down! By the end of the shift, I had my plane and hotel reservations made. I was going to Georgia!

The last week was the hardest. It seemed like problems came out of the wood work. But, like a good solider, I worked my shifts.

The final day started at 3:30am with the EARLY shift. As LP, we had to be there first to keep an eye on receiving. I was set to get off at 2pm in order to make a 3:30pm flight.

I took my lunch at around Noon…a little late, but oh well.

Not 30 minutes after returning from lunch, another LP agent named Troy came in and said, “Did you leave your car door open?” Knowing the answer to this question was no, I panicked and ran outside. Sure enough, my car had been broken into. The thief had left all of my gear and clothes (packed hidden the trunk), BUT had made off with my portable CD player and ALL my CD’s! I sure hope he liked Rich Mullins and Caedmon’s Call!!

I filled out a police report and sure enough….2pm came. I rushed to the airport and checked in my baggage to find my flight had been canceled.

The customer service lady informed me that she had another flight leaving at 9pm!!! I borrowed a quote from a famous movie and replied, “No thanks mamm, I think I’d be sucking on a tailpipe by then!!”

Things briefly looked up as she found a flight with another carrier leaving at 6:30pm. This was MUCH better.

Well, 6:60pm came and there was NO sign of my plane. Finally, they announced it had been delayed until 7:30, so I waited.

Then, 7:30pm came and I boarded the plane. We started to taxi out to the runway when the pilot stopped the plane and announced we wouldn’t be leaving time soon being that there was a severe storm moving in!

We sat there for 3 hours waiting for the go-ahead to take off. Finally, the pilot came on the over-com and said, “I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is we’ve been cleared to get in line! The bad news is yes, you heard me say line. We’re currently number 31 for takeoff…this will be a while. BUT, to ease your tensions, we are going to play a movie for all of you and the headsets are free. Enjoy!”

Keep in mind there have been several flights canceled by this point. This flight is FULL of businessmen commuting between Atlanta and Dallas. So, of course, what comes on the movie screen? Shakespeare IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!! At this point the otherwise silent businessman sitting to my right leans over and says, “What the (heck?)! Now are they trying to (tick) us off??!! A large groan came from the entire cabin. I asked the stewardess if I could ask the captain a question. She said it was against the FAA rules, but she’d ask him if it would be possible. Much to my shock she came back and motioned me ahead. When I saw the captain and his co-pilot, it was obvious they were as “beaten down” as I was. But, I had to ask anyway, “Is there any way we can get up there?” He looked at me, smiled and replied, “Son, I see it one of two ways. You can be down here, wishin’ you were up there….or up there, wishin you were up there.” Recognizing my rear was handed to me; I shook his hand, thanked him and returned to my seat.

In about 2 hours or so, we were finally cleared for takeoff. A cheer came from the cabin.

During this entire time, I had to resort to making calls on the ON-BOARD-PHONE in order to hold my reservations. THAT bill amounted to $180.00. What a rip off!

2 ½ hours later, we were FINALLY on the ground in Atlanta. My fishing rods were lost and it took about 30 minutes to find them once my other baggage was gathered. I then took the shuttle to the rental car location.

When I arrived at the rental car location, there were 3 people in front of me. They all seemed annoyed. I asked what was wrong and learned the problem. It seemed Ben Stine’s twin brother (sp? the boring guy from Ferris Buhler’s Day off, science teacher on Wonder Years) was the only employee there. It was taking this man 20 minutes PER person to get us our vehicles.

So, another hour or so passed before I had my vehicle and was finally on my way to Lawrenceville about 45 minutes North of Atlanta.

As I hit I85 North to Lawrenceville, I turned on the radio. I was finally on my way and needed something to calm my nerves as I had been up nearly 24 hours straight and had more than my share of troubles on this journey.

Low and behold, what did I hear? The opening notes to one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard…..”Georgia On My Mind”. It hit me, I was home. It was ALL worth it, I was home. I knew things were looking up as I listened to the words that spoke to my heart.

The General Manager of the hotel was running the desk when I arrived at about 4amEST. She was one of the people I had called while on the plane. The second I walked in the door she said, “Honey, you must be Dwayne!” As I replied yes, she assured me that I would have whatever checkout I needed. She said, “Hon, no one will bother you….get all the rest you need.”

The rest of the trip went off without a hitch. In fact, it was one of the best trips I’ve ever had. A 15 mile horseback trip, camping on the Chattooga River, fishing the Hootch, meeting new people and spending much needed time with a friend were just some of the highlights of this amazing week.

To this day, all my cares fade away when I hear those words……”Georgia On My Mind”

Godspeed Ray Charles! Godspeed!! :D

Hot And Bothered For Nuttin!

2004-05-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

In a word....FAILURE!

Well, there will be no results to publish concerning the Angler's Choice Pro/Am that was to be held this week on Lake Fork. I was notified two weeks ago that the tourney was canceled due to lack of entries.....an event that leaves many fishermen puzzled to this day. We are searching for reasons as to what the hell went wrong. Everyone is in shock and highly disappointed....as well as bummed!

I've spent tons of money on this tourney in tackle just to have it take up space in my gear bags. Hopefully, the opportunity will present itself for my entering into another tourney. IF that time comes (a BIG IF), I will at least be ready in the gear category!

Until then...I'll sulk!

The good news is that I've been asked to be a member of a task force responsible for researching the reasons behind the failure of this tourney as well as saving the rest of the tournament trail. I'll take that very seriously.

Until the chance to wet my line in competition again, I'll just do what I've done before.....wait!

Well screw me!

Guess Who’s Back In Business?

2004-04-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

The United States Angler’s Choice Pro/Am Invitational on Lake Fork Is Chosen Site Of Return.

At the young age of 19, I gave up on professional fishing due to the stresses of school life, grades, and other life stresses holding me back. It was a bitter pill having had a very reasonable amount of success in competition. In past years, I’ve been attending only one tourney a year….a simple trout tourney in Oklahoma.

This will change at least for the moment on May 14th and 15th as I will be entered into the Angler’s Choice Pro/Am on Lake Fork in Emory Texas, premier Largemouth Bass fishery, and one of the nation’s top lakes. I will be pared up with a “Pro” (pending a drawing to be held on the Thursday prior to the tourney) for both days and have a shot at a $5,000 top prize.

While this tourney is not the big bonanza….it’s not that shabby either! At the least, I’ll be back in the running….even if it’s a one time only event. The success or lack thereof will contribute to my decision making on entering future events.

I hope you will all support me in this endeavor and send up some prayers for everyone’s safety as it will be a large 200 boat field.

Who knows….I just may get lucky!

Keep your thoughts with me…..I’ll need em! ;)

You Tell Me.....Is This A Compliment?

2004-04-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

It's official, despite the hard work of my biggest detractors; I am one of those mentioned in a feature on the P1WAC!

For all those who have followed my time guest starring with the P1 Wild (arse) Circus on Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket....here's a juicy piece of info for ya!

Ft. Worth Weekly recently wrote a feature on Richard Hunter....host of the Circus. When talking about the history of the Circus, it was discussed how the show got off to a rough start.

THEN, with the rotating cast of characters such as "Deaf Fetish Dwayne" (hey..Psst, that's me), the Circus has turned around its ratings and has now come into its own! Something Walt and the rest of the “insiders” clique couldn't pull off.

In other words....I play a small part in the recipe that is the show's success! As far as my detractors....Walt and his band of sheep......they are NOT MENTIONED in the story!

The old internet forum that banned me due my direct competition with them over airtime on the show was quoted (on their forum...NOT the story) to have said, "Well, the story is a good read....even though the only reference to the forum was "DFD"!

Well, I guess they forgot.....I'm a FORMER MEMBER of their little forum. The fact this burns them up...makes it that much sweeter!

Giggle....take a look!

Ft. Worth Weekly Feature on Richard Hunter and the P1WAC

Luck Now Back To: Normal

2004-03-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

I think this classifies as a ‘buzz kill’.

Upon returning from our vacation to MarVal for the famed trout tourney, by father brought something to my attention. During our stay, an employee of the resort had (without permission) came into our cabin while my father was in the shower and stole not only $300 from his wallet, but his truck keys as well. The thief must have thought they belonged to the vehicle outside…..wrong answer, the vehicle was a rental.

We have a good idea who did it and a police report has been filed.

My father didn’t want to tell me then because he didn’t want to ruin my trip. He knows full well I would have been looking for a head to make roll had I found out at the time it occurred. He was right. Yes, I would have been ready to choke someone out……at the same time, I have to compliment the fact my father waited. He didn’t have to….but he did. I do appreciate that more than he’ll ever know. Now, on to more pressuring matters…..finding out who did it and making them pay big-time!

In addition to the theft, our cabin was very “drafty”. It ends up that we’re now both sick with pneumonia!! Both of us are coughing up our lungs, having a hard time sleeping, and fighting the battle of our lives with our sinuses.

Yes, I did catch a tagged trout….but with the latest events; it’s becoming a greatly more expensive fish by the day.

So, I guess that’s where my luck was hiding the evening I caught the tag. Well, it’s caught up with me now.

Excuse me, I need to try and breathe.

#6874 The Streak Breaker!

2004-03-10T10:10:00.000-08:00

Personal 18 year streak has come to a long awaited end!

Since the age of 10 I’ve been fishing the “Green Country Trout Derby” hosted by MarVal Trout Camp and Family Resort located in Gore, Oklahoma.

During this time, while I have placed in and won tournaments, the very illusive “tagged” trout has evaded my capture.

A “tag” is a large trout released solely for the purposes of the tournament. They range in size from 1 ½ to 8 pounds. In the past, catching one of these fish has entitled the fisherman to extra prizes. In recent years, rule changes have made catching a “tagged” trout a precursor for any of the larger prizes (cabin stays…etc).

The closest I’ve come to landing a “tag” was in March of 1993. I played a large trout (that would have been not only a “tag” but probably a new state record”) that promptly broke my line upon my inserting my foot into my mouth. See, I screamed aloud, “First place here I come!!” upon hooking the fish. The fish heard me and replied by snapping my line accordingly. That was the last I’ve seen of a “tag” on my line in the past 11 years.

Before then, I was known for landing a “tag” a mere hour after the tourney was over at age 11. The fish would have been worth $100.

Many fishermen around me have landed several “tagged” trout during the past 18 years. This part of fishing doesn’t necessarily take much skill in trout stream fishing. In fact, I’d say it takes very little.

See, these “tagged” fish are released just hours prior to start of the derby. They are hatchery fish who aren’t all that smart. BUT, they are still trout…..so; I do fish for them as such.

Maybe all these years I’ve been trying too hard. I think I’ve actually been fishing “above” these poor creatures. I’ve been simply giving all the fish the same credit where intelligence is concerned.

With that being said, do not think all trout…..even all “tagged” trout are stupid. Many “tags” survive the original tourney they were released for and become VERY adapt to their new home. This of course makes them even more difficult to catch. In addition, thousands of “stocker” sized trout are released every month to keep the fish population in the river very high. So, there is never a shortage of fish…..of the cunning or stupid variety.

This year started out as any other. I caught 2 small fish on the first day (Friday) fly fishing.

By the second day of the tourney, I was starting to get rather pissy. By sunset there was no sign of a “tagged” trout looming in the near future for me and my favorite spot down river had been backed-up by flood waters from the Arkansas River. I was left to fish from the bank alongside other fishermen who had entered this tourney for the first time. I considered it fishing among cretins.

I had even given up on my “go-to” baits and put away my fly rod. I was no longer casting a may fly, throwing a “Super Duper”, bumping a “Kastmaster”, or even slow rolling a “Rooster Tail”. In fact, I had even put my vast assortment of “Berkley Power Bait” back into its pouch.

All I left out and began to fish with was a single jar of salmon eggs I had never tried before. I had placed them in my assortment only as an oddity. They were large and a bright pinkish-red. They smelled rank with a powerful garlic odor. Their name: “Mikes Garlic Scented Salmon Eggs”.

I considered this an “I just give the @#$%*& up” move. It was getting dark fast and I wanted everything in its place so that I could make a hasty retreat back to the vehicle parked on the hill.

As I sat there and watched the dusk light slowly fade and a full moon rise across the river from me; I felt a hard and determined tug on my line.

I immediately set the hook and was slapped with the realization this was no ordinary, small, stocker fish. This was a decent fish!

I turned my drag down and let the fish have his way with playing up and down the stretch of stream. All the while I kept pressure on him while praying I would land him and in fact that it would indeed be a trout.

See, earlier that same day I had caught a 4lb “Buffalo Carp” on “Power Bait”. I was afraid this too would be a false alarm.

Sure enough as the fight wore down and I brought him closer to the shore, I noticed the telling red stripe down his side. It was a rainbow trout! He wasn’t a “wall-hanger” by any means, still a very good sized fish!

The most important thing, as I rolled him into my net I noticed a bright flash of light reflecting from a small silver sliver attached to his gill plate. It was a tag. The number read: #6874. My heart began to race.

As I secured him in my net, I rushed him along with all my gear to the awaiting vehicle on the hill. I then stomped the gas in order to make the deadline for the day’s fishing back at the camp office. I was there with time to spare. My fish was deemed official and weighed in right at 2 pounds.

The streak was over.

Many incredible fishermen and folks I’m happy to call friends have fished along side me for most of the 18 years at these tourneys. My lack of a “tag” all these years has become a running joke. Many times I’ve heard called out at the weigh-in, “Dwayne, you got one this year?? My reply has always been, “What the hell do you think?” or “Nope, guess that means I have to come back next year!”

This year, those awesome people whom I’m blessed in knowing gave me a rousing cheer and a standing ovation. As for the “old-timers” as I call them….there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.

I was just happy to finally take my place at the front of the room as I had already made my peace with the fish that broke ranks with his peers and patronized my line. For once he was secured in my net I fell to my knees, looked upon his beauty in the moonlight, kissed his head and began to cry.

An 18 year mission has come to a close. Perseverance, a will to win, dogged determination, and most of all, help from above has brought it to a successful end.

Will I be back next year? God himself only knows. All I can do is hope.

Hope to be there among my friends, hope to visit my favorite haunts, hope to wade the waters of the cool Illinois River and hope that nothing has changed in the year just passed.

For this tourney isn’t really about the fish, it’s about the people. It’s about friendships. It’s about knowing who’ll be there when you arrive and knowing whose cap you see bobbing through the trees down stream.

It’s about consistency and tradition. With all one goes through in their daily life within the span of a year……to have one thing to look forward to helps everything else make a little more sense.

It’s about a break from reality to another time long past.

It’s about keeping one’s sanity.

It’s about hope, love, family and friends.

It’s about all who’ve come together to sit and wade along side each other in a river stream.

It’s what life should be.

Yes, I Was Car Jacked By A Squirrel.........

2004-02-29T11:17:00.000-08:00

“City Squirrels Just Seem To Find Out Early…..How To Open Doors With Just A Smile…”~~ The Eagles

Wednesday, I returned home from the morning errand run when I saw a little squirrel running across the parking lot. Where I live I see many birds….but the squirrels are usually a couple of blocks away. I think they steer clear from the ghetto. There are too many weapons on this side of town.

But anyway……there he was just playing in the drive. As I parked my car, I watched him in the rear-view mirror as he ran towards the next apartment complex.

Suddenly, he stopped and ran back towards where I was parked. Thinking he’d stop short being the car was still running, I was mildly shocked when he continued under my car. I gathered my stuff and opened the door thinking this was sure to scare the crap out of the little bugger.

Instead of bolting, he pranced towards the breezeway in front of my apartment. He then stopped, turned around, and looked straight at me.

With zero warning he b-lined it straight for my open car door. Not having the time to get myself all the way back in the car, I didn’t have time to shut the door. Don’t ask me why…..something just told me to shut the door.

Sure enough, he jumped straight into my lap, ran across me, and then sat straight up in the front passenger seat! He looked at me with the look a dog would give after hearing the words “car ride”.

I have never before bailed out of a car faster in my life!

I left the door open and yelled at him trying to convince him to leave. Instead, he just laid down and sunned himself in the seat.

It took me walking over, opening the passenger side door, and poking the little rodent in the butt with a stick to get him to move. When he did, he just looked at me as if I were a criminal.

Finally, I prodded him enough that he jumped from the car and continued on his way. Even then, he stopped at least 3 times to look back and shoot me a dirty look.

It seems city dwelling wild animals have become a little too bold for their britches!

One more thing…….Lanard, wherever you are my friend….this one is for you! Nessy, Craigo, this is for you to make sure he gets the word! (Reference TGI Fridays, Duluth…..all of us sitting around telling stories, Lanard’s dad…etc)

Wick Up And Smell The Roses!!!

2004-02-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

One of the darndest things I've ever seen.....

A couple of weekends ago, I was driving back to my apartment from some miscellaneous errand I had run.

Upon pulling into the entrance nearest my building, I noticed one of the funniest things I think I've ever seen!

Atop the hood of a small white car sat a small, white, stuffed teddy bear standing on his head.

However, this was no normal teddy bear. This bear was standing on his head for a reason. Simply put, he couldn't sit on his rear as most normal little bears......"why" you may ask?

The answer is quite simple. Because he had a red candle shoved squarely up his rear end, wick up.

As if that message wasn't clear enough for the poor schmuck to understand, outside the door of the vehicle was a single long stem red rose that had been stomped to pieces!

At this point, I didn't know wither to feel sorry for the receiver of this blunt message or just laugh my butt off.

My decision.....well, lets just say I wish I had taken pictures!

Wow, I'm just glad it wasn't left for me!

The Tale Of Two Realities

2004-02-20T09:24:00.000-08:00

Besides the obvious, do you know what else really sucks about war?
It has to do with communication!

As many of you know someone dear to me is in Iraq as we speak. Nearly everyday (if not everyday) he comes under fire or is in danger in one way or another. Period.

For months he didn't have access to e-mail. During this time, over 40 letters were exchanged back and forth (total for both to and from). Letters are great! The guy happens to be one heck of a good letter writer to begin with....so; it was always exciting to get a letter.

Once he got internet, the privilege of messenger came along with it! Since then, we've been able to "chat" about every other day or so. Don't get me wrong, this too is a blessing!

But, here's the problem:

I find myself walking fine lines between different sides of several issues.

I want to know what all is going on there without bugging the crap out of him. I want him to know what all is happening here without getting too much into my own problems. For me, it's all about his moral!

I'm certain he thinks I have a simplistic view of the war. I'm sure for someone who is actually IN the war; this would be the case when thinking of anyone who isn't there beside them. That is totally understandable!

BUT, that's just the thing....I don't have a simplistic view of it. There is not one simple thing about this war or any other for that matter! People are dying around him, he's seeing unimaginable things that no time can separate from his memory, and he's a brother to me. How can any of that be simple to anyone?

I've got a personal, vested; interest in this war....his name is Aaron. The last thing I ever want is him thinking I have a simplistic view of anything that's happening around him.

Quite frankly, I don't know how to react. Honestly, I've gone trough about 100 different frames of mind since he left. They've varied from: wanting everything to be as "normal" as possible, to focusing solely and exclusively on his morale. No matter what gap I try to fill, I fall short. Bottom line, it's anything but simple.

The media really plays a part in this too. One that is unseen by most.

See, the media will release a report about 100 combatants being captured in a certain town. But who knows the real story. Sometimes, it's just a media hog (someone in command who likes to "Hollywood" it up) who is taking the spotlight from the real heroes. One just never knows.

So, whenever I bring this up, I never know the reaction I'll receive. It's not his fault! He knows full well what the heck is going on around him, he's there! BUT, it's not MY fault either. I have the media as a filter for all the information I receive.

Either way, instant messenger is great......but lacks the subtle aspects a letter has. While a letter is awesome, it lacks the knowledge that he's ok at this present moment while reassuring you everything was ok a full two weeks ago!

Bottom line, there's no easy option. There's no simple fix. Nothing is simple or easy about this, for anyone involved. Period.

When he returns home, I'm looking forward to explaining this to him in person. This way, he'll know just how behind him I was the entire time he was gone. In person; it's the best communication....the only communication in which I'm best at explaining myself. Then, this won't be but even a small blip on the radar. Then, I can delete this post. Then, I'll look back on this and laugh. Then I will.....when he's home.

WHAT WAS SHE THINKING????!!!!???

2004-02-11T13:52:00.000-08:00

For the love of all that’s good!

I need to come to terms with something, I’m now 28 years old, and my luck isn’t going to change. But, I’m sure you’ll understand when you read the following story why I’d do just about anything to make it happen:

As it’s well documented, I had two wisdom teeth removed in violent fashion last week. I still haven’t recovered from it. As a matter of fact, I hurt like hell. The dentist had to put so much pressure on my other teeth to remove the two that now my WHOLE MOUTH hurts!

Night before last, Samantha was giving me a backrub with her feet as I lay in the floor. As usual, we were picking at each other over something. You know, simple, playful, fun, and trash-talking.

Suddenly and without warning, her brain shut down in the most amazing way yet in this 3 year relationship. As she responded back I hear her say the words, “oh yeah, well why don’t you just smell my feet!” And then, in an awesome display of negligence, she pushed her right foot towards my face accidentally kicking me with her heel in the left side of my jaw. If you have to ask, yes genius, it’s the same side.

I immediately screamed (as much as my voice would let me) and began rolling around on the floor as if I were a cat shot with a .22! When I got up, I went into the bathroom to discover I was bleeding like a stuck hog (no need for a smart arse comment here).

Samantha stayed in the living room and began to cry. While she felt horrible….I didn’t see the need for rushing to console her just yet….not at least for the next 10 minutes or so. Yes, I know that’s sick….but screw off, I couldn’t help myself! That and I was frightened of her.

The bleeding has just begun to slow down. The pain is full force, in fact, an 11 on a 10 scale! I am now wishing ill will on my dentist.

I’ll be so happy when I’m off pain meds again……I have some drinking to do!
No charges were filed.

"Bus Tossing"

2004-02-03T12:01:00.000-08:00

Would everyone please place this post in the proper perspective by first reading Craig's comment to the last post concerning my surgery.

Now...for the reverse toss:

Let me see if I've got this straight; you've got time to bus toss me but not to call? That makes you a putz! Don't make me come all the way out there to kick your butt! If you don't watch it....I'll tell your wife you're being mean and let her handle the problem!

I'm in pain, the Lorcett isn't working.....who's next?? Come on you pansies! Step up! Who wants some?

(ps, hey Craigo...don't you have a cell, pager, or something to lose?)

**UPDATE** Craig says this thing didn't let him post a reply this time around. Humm, now too busy to reply? Wow! Bad dog Craig....bad dog! **giggle**

Wisdom teeth my arse!

2004-02-03T09:09:00.000-08:00

Those that know me understand my luck is usually bad if I have any at all. Well today is no different.

Today I had my oral surgery to remove two wisdom teeth (top and bottom left side). To anyone else, this is a common and easy procedure. THIS HOWEVER, is me we're talking about here.

It was scheduled to take 15 minutes per tooth. Instead, the top took 25 and the bottom 45. Two things contributed to this: 1) I am fat...Mainly because I drink LOTS of MILK. By bones are fairly strong. 2) The bottom tooth had a hook in its root that you could "catch a fish off of", to quote the doctor. One this for sure is....I'll never look at a face shield (like hockey players wear) and a Drimmell tool the same way again.

You know it's bad when in the doctor's instructions he says, "The stuff I just gave you will make Vicoden look like Children's Tylenol" and "I'd sleep on frozen peas for a couple of days."

Remind me again why I had this done?

How ironic! They call the wisdom teeth but they're the dumbest freaking thing I've ever heard of!

Well, that answers THAT question!

2004-02-02T12:36:00.000-08:00

The "oopsy" during the half-time show of the Super Bowl did answer one important question much deliberated by the masses for decades now:

Why has no one ever seen Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson in the same place at the same time? Are they indeed one in the same?

Answer: After the half-time show, I'd say...ahhh, no. That's unless Michael has a bigger problem than a mere skin condition.

Am I the only one this bothers?

2004-01-31T22:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not meaning to sound like "Dale Gribble" or anything here......but isn't this a little too "Cold War"? Humm, how exactly are they testing their "defense systems"? "To ward off terror threats"? Why does this just sound like a good excuse for the West to buy into? I don't know about anyone else....but those old city shelters are lookin' pretty good right about now!

See this article:

Cold War Style War Games

And they say stereotypes are false........

2004-01-31T22:13:00.000-08:00

If anyone ever tells you stereotypes are false you should do the following:

1) One, tell them to kiss off.

2) Use the last line in this story as evidence:

Case In Point

ps, the fact this even happened....let alone was reported = **giggle**

another failure...

2004-01-24T07:27:00.000-08:00

Well, as with all Ticket Functions, it was indeed a failure. Contestants were lied to about the judging (in order for the contest to be fixed....AS USUAL), and promotions couldn't find their butts with a road map.

I was booed off stage, my fault really. I was thinking too much about how nice it would be to kick two guys’ butts in the crowd. Anyway, I digress. I wouldn't have won anyway. Like I said, it was fixed.

The proof: In an e-mail from the guy in charge (Seth in promotions) he stated that the judging would be done by "The Ticket Guys", NOT THE CROWD. BUT, just before the performances, Seth and Corby announced that the judging would be done by the crowd!! A complete turn-around from what we were assured the rules were! Humm......L-I-A-R.

When the last guy got up there, and his name was announced .......the crowd went nuts. He obviously had brought many people with him. This is fine. BUT HE KNEW the judging would be done by the CROWD before hand. I wonder why the rest of us weren’t told?

Don't mistake this for "sour grapes", it isn't. I wouldn't have won anyway, I let myself be distracted. In part due to a couple of a-hole hecklers and in part due to the "sudden" change in the rules. They think they have credibility after this?

Anyway, a typical Ticket event. It goes right along with my normal daily routine though:

1) I got home in time for king of the hill.

2) I got into a light altercation with a valet guy.....wait till he manager hears about what he did!

3) I got to compare "manhood" with the two hecklers.......according to the girl they were trying to drag out....THEY lost the battle. (Two guys were doing most of the booing. Why did I let this bother me? Well, I simply knew I wasn’t going to win anyway. So, why not have fun?)

4) I got a little on-air revenge at the forum I've been banned from on-line. Delicious.

Lyrics are to come......

2004-01-23T06:40:00.000-08:00

Charles asked if I would kindly post the lyrics to the song "EveryP1 Knows" based on the Ray Charles and Don Henley hit "Everybody Knows". For competition reasons....I have decided not to release the lyrics UNTIL closer to tonight's performance. I do not want to give the 5 others the heads up on my schtick! Be looking tonight. You'll find them then. If you're offended by the lyrics....blame Charles! Hee hee, just kidding! Hey Charles, that's what ya get for going to Georgia during Christmas without us! Schmuck! ;)

*The Mother of All What the @%#$ have I done now's!!**

2004-01-22T14:33:00.000-08:00

As many of you already know, I’ve had several appearances on “The P1 Wild Ass Circus” of Sports Radio 1310 “The Ticket” fame here in Dallas, Texas. This show is created for the P1 (stands for “preference 1”~~ meaning the station you listen to the most) as an on-air forum for them to try their hand at being an on-air talent. It was once said that you could train ANY monkey to be an on-air talent…..well, the P1WAC has proven exactly that.

BUT THIS IS THE BREAKING NEWS:

This Friday is “The Tickets” 10th birthday party! The critics said they wouldn’t last 6 months. Well, they’re now the highest rated station in the Dallas, FW market…..PERIOD!

What does this have to do with me you may ask?

They’re having a contest to crown “The Greatest P1 Ever”. In order to enter, P1’s had to take a song, or write they’re own original, and write lyrics to it highlighting “The Tickets” 10th birthday! ALONG WITH THE TITLE OF “GREATEST P1 EVER” COMES THE GRAND PRIZE…..TICKETS TO THE SUPER BOWL IN HOUSTON!!! The deadline was at 10pm last night.

Well, I started work on my song at 9pm and rushed to get it done. Having no musical capability whatsoever, I stole the tune from the old Ray Charles / Don Henley hit “Everybody Knows”. I wrote the lyrics to match for “The Ticket” and submitted my e-mail of the song at 9:58pm!!!!!

First thing this morning, I checked my e-mail to find I had been chosen from the butt-load of entries as one of the 6 finalist! The big birthday bash will be held at the Hard Rock Café in Dallas tomorrow night at 7pm. There, I will perform my song live on stage!

The only hurdle left to cross is my vocal capability…..of which there is none. Let me put it this way…if Bob Dylan were dead and you shoved your hand up his butt to make him talk…I’d sound about like that!

Do you hear the crossing guards lowering at the railroad crossing? You bet your sweet butt you do! In the words of someone famous: “This is going to be a ^@$^%$ing disaster!”

Stay tuned!
(it may be carried live. if so, listen to 1310am or 1700am starting at 7pm tomorrow)

Breaking News Urgent Update!

2004-01-22T11:21:00.000-08:00

Well, it looks as if Craig's glowing description of me (found at www.hackreviewer.blogspot.com) will be made life-like and true within the next 24 hours. Please stand by for breaking news concerning me and my continued role as a "P1" for Sports Radio 1310am The Ticket in Dallas/Ft. Worth. Please stand by as you will not be disappointed, but SHOCKED as to this latest adventure.

My only official comment on the situation as of yet: "Holy crap boys....I've really done it this time!"

I finally got her!

2004-01-21T14:35:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met in traffic on the way to or from work the same vehicle almost every morning?

This used to be more common in the days where towns were less populated and simply one or two employers employed most of the work force from a particular area. This is not so much true anymore.

However, my luck is a little different. Just ask those who know me best.

For over a year now, I've been taking my sweetie too and from work everyday. During this time, I have developed a rivalry with another vehicle. It's a woman driver in a white mini van (sheesh, who knew right!).

It first started with her cutting me off in traffic. This went back and forth for a few months depending on who saw who first. Honestly, I don't go out of my way to look for this piece of work. Usually she sees me first and has to wave and cut me off just to start a fight.

Make no mistake about this: I don't wish her ill will. At the same time, this rivalry is anything but friendly as well.

For whatever reason, we haven’t crossed each other’s path in more than a month. Today, however, once again the games began.

As I was coming home from taking my hon to work, I noticed the filmier white van closing in on my bumper at an enormous rate of speed. As usual, I see the @%#@% wave her little wave to let me know she's there.

Today I noticed something that either hasn't been there before or that I've just missed all along. A simple coffee mug in her right hand.

This time, as she came within (at the MOST) 5 feet from my rear bumper, I gently tapped my breaks about 3 times. In doing this, she became more rabid and insisted on following me even closer than the 5 feet she started from. All the time, she was glaring at me through my rear view mirror.

Within 5 minutes she was not a yard off my bumper when I decided I had just had enough. Now, I didn't "lock up" my brakes or anything. I merely tapped them really hard. This sent the aforementioned coffee all over the interior of her vehicle. More importantly, over her.

With a string of expletives (what I believe were all "F" bombs) she threw her empty mug into her passenger floor board. If it didn't shatter, I'm shocked.

Either way, scoreboard. Hopefully the "bad dog! No biscuit!" approach will convey the message that I'm really tired of her persistence and drive home my philosophy of driving:

Never, EVER screw with a small car in front!

"Dude, how rested are you?" (Short Story...really freaking happened)

2004-01-21T11:15:00.000-08:00

These are the first words I heard out of John's mouth as I answered my cell while shopping in Bass Pro Shops' Grapevine, Texas location.

Knowing John had visited an uncle in AZ this particular weekend, I was worried as to the implications of such a question. "Ahhh, kinda, why?" I replied. "Well, I need a HUGE favor. The mother of all favors." John continued. "My truck broke down on the way home and I'm stranded in a little town called Adrian, just inside the Texas border. It looks like it's my alternator and I been towed to the nearest hotel, The Fabulous 40 on old route 66 here in Adrian." He went on to explain how he was in the middle of no-where and about 50 miles from the nearest parts store. With him on this trip was his year and a half old daughter which he had been showing off to his uncle in AZ. All that was around in this small town (pop under 400 people) was the hotel he was staying at and a diner.

Well, I saw not one but two opportunities in his misfortune. The first, I'm always eager to help out someone dear to me. Second.....most naturally, I could rub it in his face for the next 100 years like any good friend should! Honestly, I wasn't very rested at all. But, he's been a member of my family (in which I view my friends as) for almost 13 years now. He was out of options and there was no way I was going to pass this one up. Over the years he's rode to my aide more times than I care to remember. Finally, I got to pick on him. Delicious!

So, at around 11:45pm Texas time, my father, my sweetie, and I all piled up in my car and started the 7 hour each way (not including any stops) trip to save John's sorry butt in Adrian, Texas. My father had the tools to and experience to complete the job. John's truck is a Ford F150 same as my father's. I have helped my father put more than a couple of alternators in his truck, so, this was indeed old hat.

Several times along the way we would all spontaneously burst out into laughter and ask out loud, "Why are we doing this?" The answer was always the same....to help a friend and to give him crap. The road was long and seemed even longer by my troubles of staying awake at the wheel. Driving is relaxing to me. Long trips don't bode well for me if I don't catch a nap along the way.

We first tried stopping at a little gas station just past half way there. The lot beside the building was dark and seemed like a good place to catch a quick cat nap. Not 5 minutes into the silence we heard a loud horn. The silence seemed to be but the calm before the storm as we then realized we were not parked 100 feet from a railroad crossing. We didn't know wither to laugh or cry. After trying to drown out the sound for about an hour, we got up, grabbed a snack from within the store and continued on our journey.

My father would relieve my driving for an hour soon as my sweetie would be of no help. It isn't her fault. She hasn't been able to obtain a local license since her move from another state. We'd rather not add a traffic ticket to the list of problems that were mounting with the lack of rest. So, we chose to keep it legal.

At about 9am, we made it to the largest town nearest John's location. We picked up an alternator for him and continued on the last 50 miles of the trip.

When we arrived, a relieved John holding his daughter stepped out of the diner. I'm not sure he's ever been happier to see us before in his life. However, he did sleep well. He later commented that "just knowing yall were on your way" helped him de-stress and fall into a sound deep sleep. Indeed, we were on the case.

The alternator was installed in record time......less than 45 minutes. While my father and John worked on the truck, I lay down in its bed and enjoyed the warm air and cool breeze. While it was deep North West Texas in the winter, the area had a recent warming spell. The weather was perfect. The temp was in the mid 60's and the breeze light. While I didn't sleep, I relaxed and that was an improvement.

Afterwards, he checked out of his room (right on time!), we ate, gassed up, and started the journey home.

My father relieved me once again for about an hour on the way back. He was tired like me and I didn't want him to be forced to drive much. I slept as he drove. This was enough to get me back behind the wheel.

The final 70 miles or so were the most fun. We could almost smell home and were back in filmier territory. The occupants of the two vehicles talked the entire way home via our GMRS radios. It was good for laughs and helped us keep alert.

At around 10pm we were back home. It had been almost a full 24 hours since I received the original phone call from John. We were all tired beyond belief....but, we were all home safe, sound, and little worse for wear.

Do I give John heck about this adventure to this day? You bet you butt I do. Do I know he'd do the same for me, you'd better believe it.

Yesterday, I thought I'd yank his chain a little early in the morning. Thinking he'd be on his way to work I gave him a call at 7:30am and let the first words out of MY mouth be, "Dude, how rested are you?" Instead of a reply of "screw you!” I received a reply of "Where ya at?". Says a lot doesn't it? I called to yank his chain and instead received the assurance that no matter what, he indeed had my back the very same as I have his. Cool huh.

The end....

footnote: It needs to be said that at the start of this particular weekend I had mentioned to my sweetheart that I wanted something different to do for fun. If ever a person could jinx themselves, I think I did just that!

ps, if you ever hear the words "dude, how rested are you?".......start yelling in your best fake Asian accent "nooo englash....your order egg roll and have wrong number!!" Then, hang up and run like hell!

The one that started it all......

2004-01-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

This was the idea of a very dear friend of mine. If it goes terribly wrong, it's his fault. If you like it and even think it's funny...well, I'll take the credit! Either way, Craig, you're alright! 7 years and I still don't know what's around the next corner!

(PS, Craigo....you still owe me a pic or two from the wedding! I wanna see when I was less fat...and wearing white shoes!)